Popping the Questions About Our Engagement
Post a CommentGuest Blogger:: Drew
"So, who asked who?"
To tell you the truth, we sort of asked each other. We had shared many great conversations about someday getting married and having a family like all loving couples want. After spending just over three years together and going through enough ups and downs to know that we were both working toward the same goal of a lasting and loving partnership, I started thinking that the time was right. Nothing was out of the ordinary that night last December when I climbed into bed and asked Andy what he thought about getting married. There was no "down on one knee" or "will you marry me?" We simply had a great talk about it, agreed that we were on the same page, and drifted off to sleep with happy hearts.
We were so excited to tell our friends and family. We decided to wait until the holidays to share our great news. We are both blessed to have very supportive and loving families, so needless to say our big Christmas reveal was a well received and joyous experience. However, neither of us had expected the line of questioning that would come from some friends, colleagues, and acquaintances.
Instead of saying "congratulations" or showing support, people would look bewildered and ask things like, "Is that legal? Are you going to go to Iowa? How does that work? Is it a wedding or a commitment ceremony? Who asked who?" One person very close to me even replied, "Really? That's interesting."
Now, we're not oblivious to the fact that our union is not like the type most are used to. We also understand that our friends are happy for us. We chalk it up to the idea that maybe people just don't know what to say. We don't have a social norm for how to respond when your gay co-worker says he's getting married, to a boy. That, coupled with the fact that people just want to know more. They want to be in the loop and less goes without saying in a non-traditional wedding.
We learned to roll with the questions. Also, we found that you get fewer questions if you share more up front. Instead of telling people that we got engaged, I say, "Andy and I are getting married next spring here in Arizona. We're celebrating with our closest friends and family and we're really excited!" Leaving less to their imagination helps them share in our excitement. We remember not to take it personal and see it as our opportunity to educate and inform people on what a modern union is all about.
Photo Courtesy of Sergio Photographer
